apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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