there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
