Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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