We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
