If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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