he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
