Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
