I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
