And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
