new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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