Already got asked if we're dating
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
