i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
