sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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