ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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