And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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