I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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