Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
