How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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