im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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