He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
