Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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