I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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