In America we eat man semen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
