New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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