can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
