I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize