i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
two words: eviction party
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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