I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
