Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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