Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
