the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
