I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
