It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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