it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize