and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
