My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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