I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
