if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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