Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
