he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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