I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
