I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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