getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
