i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
