apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
