I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
