Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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