sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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