Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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