I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize