Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
