you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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