he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
