everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
