do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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