We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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