Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
