You smell like a Billy Joel song
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize