Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
