I wish I could teleport
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
