Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
