Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
