don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
