That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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