$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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