I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
