5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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