ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
