my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
