Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
