Moan for me like Helen Keller
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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