69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
