how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
