There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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