So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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