Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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