eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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