With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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