How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still dying that you shit outside
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
