Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
