I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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