I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
