Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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