i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
