Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
