Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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