if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
