Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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