if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
