ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize