i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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