So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
