she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize