The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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