gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
