its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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