this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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