Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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