first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
