is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
