What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize