She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
