Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
