The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
