i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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